Slow and Steady Wins the Race

I'm still here. Still learning and healing. Still growing. 

If there is one thing I can take away from my current situation, it's that it all takes time. Healing and repairing doesn't happen overnight. Solutions aren't just handed to you.... you have to actively work to find them. In the meantime, life still has to move forward. You still have to work and pay bills. You still have mouths to feed and people who depend on you. 

I don't mean to add to the mental stress of healing, but it's important to know, healing can be just as hard as life. In my case, I found out I am prediabetic on top of everything else. It may not seem like a big deal to some, but to me it is. I already live a pretty healthy lifestyle, but to know now that I have to pay even closer attention, scares me sometimes. Let me share an example of this... This past weekend, I decided to go on a hike through Cuyahoga National Valley, a beautiful national park in my home state, relatively close to where I live. While I was in California, I made the active decision to visit as many National Parks as I could this year after spending time in Yosemite, Sequoia, and the Redwoods. 

I'll start off by saying, I didn't prepare myself the way that I should have. I didn't map out trails or look into terrain. I didn't think about the impact this hike would have on my body. Most of all, I am still learning how diabetes and physical activity affects me, so clearly, I didn't think too hard on that either. 

For those who have made the trek to Blue Hen Falls from Brandywine, I commend you. I did it but, I was not at all prepared. I ate a light breakfast before stopping at the farmers market. I bought myself a little snack (Pineapple Zucchini Bread... highly recommend!) Not too much sugar and an acceptable amount of carbs. LOTS of water, of course. Off to hike! I should have known better when the first few hundred feet were excruciatingly steep, but I was committed. I was excited. It's no big deal to stop and take a breather here and there. (I can easily walk 3 leisurely miles.  This is not new to me and is something I do fairly regularly) It started out okay. The 600ft elevation change took me down some, but I was still okay. Just slower. The farther I got, the rougher the terrain. I would stop periodically and have some water. A mile in, I found a nice little spot to sit for a few and have my snack. I was almost to the falls! Just another half a mile to go... I get to the point of the never-ending steep as shit narrow wooden staircase. Going down. I took a mental note about how bad it was going to suck on the way back, but I've come this far, I can do this too! Another 10 minutes or so and I had made it to the falls! Gosh they were beautiful and SO relaxing. I brought a singing bowl with me and just sat on the river rocks and had a full on grounding sesh. (I had to prepare for the Full Blue Moon later that night) I must have sat there for at least a half an hour admiring my surroundings and watching the people around me. I got lost in the moments, for sure.

After some time of sitting and relaxing, it was time to head back. I knew that soon I would need to eat a meal. I took those stairs slowly, carefully, and intentionally (Like a boss!). I was so proud of myself when I made it to the top. But I was feeling weak and a little shaky. I brushed it off as "that comes with hiking?". I had some water and kept on moving. My heart rate began to accelerate, like I was running. I could feel it. Of course the weak and shaky got a little worse. It was hot out, that is to be expected, right? 3/10ths of a mile left. I could see the parking lot. My heart monitor starts to beep uncontrollably (Thank you, Apple Watch) and I collapsed. (I never lost consciousness and was completely aware of what was happening.) My heart rate had spiked to 177 and my blood sugar dropped to 68. On the trail. My brain hit the pause button and my body did just that. For a split second my body had completely shut down and stopped. And I felt it. I sat there on the ground long enough to bring my heart rate down and ate a handful of glucose tabs and almost immediately felt good enough to finish off that last stretch. But it was really scary there for a minute. As I'm sitting here right now, typing this out, I realize how serious that situation was. In 2018, I had a heart attack. In 2022, I had a mild stroke. Both of those largely due to our healthcare systems not taking my concerns seriously, but that's a blog for another day. I have since received the medical care that I need and found a primary care doctor that listens and supports my needs and concerns and my heart health and blood pressure have been under control for several years. Through therapy and medication, I have been incident free since the stroke and cleared and encouraged to resume physical activities like hiking. Sorry, I digress. 

My point with all of this... I wanted so badly to take that hike so that I could clear my head. Nature brings me peace and clarity and is essential to my healing process and mental health journey. Had I taken steps to prepare myself, I'm certain it still would have been challenging, but not life threatening. I didn't know how my body would process- all I knew in my head was that I need to watch my sugar and carb intake, drink lots of water, and take a walk to burn it off. It never even computed in my brain that I would need to over compensate what I ate to balance out the physical activity I put out. When my sugar plummeted, my heart went into over drive to keep me from going into shock and just before it became too much, my brain forced me to stop. Literally. I'm okay. Sore, but okay. 

As crazy as this may sound, I want to hike it again, but smarter. That's healing.. it took this happening for me to see what I needed to do. Shutting down limiting beliefs and looking at the big picture to decide how to move forward. The thought that I can still reach my goals, but I can't forget or ignore the warning signs of danger sits heavy with me in this moment. It's okay to ask for help when you need it. My pride almost killed me on Saturday. This is what I mean when I say sometimes healing is just as hard as living. 

To end this lesson learning story, I found this cute little local cafe where I had the most delicious lunch on my way home. Homemade fried green tomatoes and a bowl of lobster bisque. Two of my favorite foods that I don't often get to indulge in. Later that evening, I sat under the light of the majestic full blue moon, where I was able to reflect on a personal relationship and meditate quietly. I filled my soul with clarity and love. Today, I am smiling. SO big! My heart is full and my being is happy. My mind is clear. I feel safe. I feel loved. I feel supported and celebrated. Just how life should be. 

#Life #Universe #Love #Healing #Journey #blog #HappyUsDay #MyFavorite